It’s that time of year again when I start to think about getting my bottom inspected. It’s been a long cold gloomy winter and one thing I know for sure is that things grow in the dark.
The guy that lives in my belly all winter is always scratching around, poking and prodding in odd places. Now she’s starting to come around again, and I can hear the two of them laughing and giggling, then things get really serious when it comes to who cleans what and where they’re gonna put stuff.
The Skipper that lives in me is called “Hershey” and is pretty damn chill about all of this, he likes to keep things “calm and cultured.” However, the one they call “Sideways Sally” doesn’t always appear to have time for that. She likes to get me sorted out, cleaned up and spit and polished NOW, like there’s no tomorrow.
I’ve never quite understood how they make it work but one thing I’ll tell you for free, in the end I look pretty damn good.
It starts with uncovering me, I’m thanking my lucky stars about that one. There’s been some gawd awful flapping and flinging of what’s left of those gray tarps trying to keep winter off of me, like that’s supposed to work. Then I’m gonna get a bath with that loud machine which kinda stings, then the scrubbing starts. It all feels so good when it stops. Music is playing while I get my rub down with some smooth waxy polish, it’s kinda romantic. Then I have a soft glow, and I’m sitting pretty again.
The Skipper likes to rev up my engine, which is the part I love the most. He’ll get me all lubed up and stroke me in all the right places. He’s very diligent about that and he always leaves me clean and tidy. This is also his favorite activity, so it makes us both very happy, and I run well. All my Yanmar 75 turbo charged parts never skip a beat, maybe that’s why they call him “Skipper”. I don’t know, or care, but I do wonder what his last name is sometimes.
Sideways gets down to business pretty quick, sometimes she kicks him out “to go take a break and get some stuff from town.” By the times he comes back he can’t find a thing and she is completely happy, and I smell good!! Then she usually invites a bunch of people over and they all drink wine, or tea if it’s before three.
OK, I know this part is weird, the Sideways Sally lady is always talking about how much she loves to clean my bottom. In fact, she’s gotten several marriage proposals from saying that out loud. Not from him tho, he knows how crazy she is, from these other guys that come around. She gets so excited about bottom cleaning that she even requests to do it for her birthday. She truly is a strange one. But when she gets geared up for the job, oh my propeller, is she one hot lady. She kinda overdoes it sometimes though, insisting I need to be all scrubbed down… down there with sand paper, then washed down with acetone, if you can believe it. She gets down on her hands and knees for parts of the job, then gives me a make over with the brush and rollers. It’s all black and goopy for awhile, but feels fresh and smooth when she’s done. Sometimes there’s lots of people around while this is going on, so I’ve gotten quite used to exposing myself. Actually it feels kind of risque, but in an attractive way.
Knowing I’m soon to be completely naked with my bottom showing, I’m off to the boatyard for my date with the slings. They give me a lift and I’m on the hard. I like to be handled gently, but I don’t mind the hard. Then the words to this song keeps playing in my head “wait for me.” I’m in a super vulnerable position when I’m on the hard, and without all the help I would never get finished in time for the summer season.
The other guy who is a regular named Ken has gotten pretty good mucking around under my hull as well. Sometimes he brings another lady, Tanis and they all get dressed up to join the party. They get the job done pronto!! There’s lots of laughs going on when they get into the beer.
Part of this routine gets quite technical when it comes to the Skipper and my propeller, there’s something special about it which requires lots of attention. Different tools and lubricants come out and it seems to attract people that come over to make sure it’s all getting done perfectly. This is a big deal for the Skipper plus he kinda likes an audience. Talk about risque!! He gets this big grin on his face the whole time he’s making it all clean and shiny.
Once I’m all dry and spiffy they put me back in the water where it’s soft and cushy and I can move around and get comfy again. Finally when everything is organized and the crew can find stuff again we all go chasing some wind, which is my favorite thing to do.